In this blog I will explore the fine cut draft of my essay which includes the most recent local revisions. This fine cut is not the final final cut as I hope to re-evaluate my essay starting on thursday.
I thought that this version is a much more clear version of the essay and effectively conveys my meanings to the reader. I think there is work that still can be done to make the essay even more clear and effective at informing the reader about my proposed solution and how it is a compromise between the two polarized sides so that everyone benefits.
Please look for anyways to make my argument clearer or make my solution look more credible.
Here is my fine cut of Project 3.
Hi Jason, just a few comments on how to possibly improve your essay!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, after reading it I understood what you were trying to do and I thought your essay was well written, however, I had a hard time figuring out what your point was at first.
I think it would be a good idea to change your title, it doesn't really tell me what your essay is going to be about and it is pretty vague. I thought your language throughout your essay was professional and I don't think you need to change anything about that!
I liked your format of your essay and how you put your references at the bottom of each page as well as a works cited page at the end. It was easy to find your sources. I also took a look at a few of them and they looked pretty credible to me!
So in short, I think that you should clearly explain your stance in the first paragraph, and you should also make a more descriptive title. I just wasn't sure what your view was until I read much further down.
Good job!
http://ryanjwolfe.blogspot.com/2016/04/peer-review-13a.html
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