Editorial Report for Local Revision

This blog will look at the process of continued editing of Project 3. In this instance I will look at the small things that need to be edited, otherwise known as local revisions. I will look at the introduction section of the project.

The content of this section changed slightly during this revision. I continued to split the paragraph into multiple paragraphs, then I clarified sentences and looked at grammar structure to ensure that the sentences made sense and had the most grammatical clarity possible. I continued with the content editing by adding new sentences to try to establish my credibility to talk about the traffic issues in Phoenix. Hopefully extra sentences will clarify my argument and get people to see why my solution needs to be presented in the way that it is presented.

The form of this section changed slightly as well. The paragraph was split into two paragraphs to give the affect of adding more space, this allows the reader to not feel as overwhelmed when reading. Sentences were also broken in half to eliminate potential run-on sentences. Punctuation was also changed to more effectively guide the reading speed and meaning of sentences for the reader. The form of the section makes the section more fluent and easier to comprehend.

Here is the Pre-edit version:
"Stuck in a traffic jam in the middle of the sweltering hot desert; many people have been in this situation before, backed up due to an accident in Phoenix rush hour for hours at a time. This traffic backup is a daily occurrence on Interstate 10 (the Papago/Maricopa Freeways) in Phoenix. Not only does this congestion back up people trying to get from the East side of the metro to the West side of the metro, but it also catches tourists traveling through the area as well as trucks as they try to bring goods from the ports in California to somewhere inland or from Mexico to somewhere inland. Phoenix area residents will all tell you that there needs to be a solution to this bottleneck or at least some alternative route to get around this hodgepodge of highways. But any solution will have its own problems, no solution is problem-less; however it is in the best interest to find the least objectionable solution that will be for the greater good. Many alternatives have been proposed to solve the traffic woes of the Phoenix Metropolitan Area. None are as controversial as the South Mountain portion of Loop 202, a major freeway loop on the east and south sides of the Phoenix Metropolitan Area. The South Mountain Freeway is a proposed pivotal highway link in the Phoenix area that will have major repercussions on the entire state of Arizona if built; the freeway is said to be controversial due to its impact on the environment and its encroachment on a religious site, however this is outweighed by economic impact to the entire state as well as alleviate the major congestion in the downtown Phoenix area which contributes to the major pollution in the Phoenix Metropolitan Area, however the construction of this freeway can be done with as little controversy as possible."

Here is the post-edit version:
"Stuck in a traffic jam in the middle of the sweltering hot desert; many people have been in this situation before, backed up due to an accident in Phoenix rush hour for hours at a time. As Arizona and Phoenix grow, this problem will continue to plague truck driver and average citizen worker alike. This traffic backup is a daily occurrence on Interstate 10 (the Papago/Maricopa Freeways) in Phoenix. Not only does this congestion back up people trying to get from the East side of the metro to the West side of the metro, but it also catches tourists traveling through the area as well as trucks as they try to bring goods from the ports in California to somewhere inland or from Mexico to somewhere inland. Phoenix area residents will all tell you that there needs to be a solution to this bottleneck or at least some alternative route to get around this hodgepodge of highways. Everyone hates getting stuck in traffic congestion, but any solution will have its own problems. No solution is problem-less; however it is in the best interest to find the least objectionable solution that will be for the greater good; in this instance a compromise between environmental groups, local residents, and construction groups that allows everyone to be content.
Many alternatives have been proposed to solve the traffic woes of the Phoenix Metropolitan Area. None are as controversial as the South Mountain portion of Loop 202, a major freeway loop on the eastern and southern sides of the Phoenix Metropolitan Area. The South Mountain Freeway is a pivotal proposed highway in the Phoenix area that will have major repercussions on the entire state of Arizona if built. The freeway is said to be controversial due to its impact on the environment and its encroachment on a religious site; however this worry is outweighed by the economic impact to the entire state as well as the alleviation of major congestion in the downtown Phoenix area that contributes to major pollution in the Phoenix Metropolitan Area."