Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Editorial Report for Local Revision Part 2

This blog will also look at the local revisions for Project 3. I will focus on a different section than before and address how it was changed to be a better and more effective section. I will look at the first major section of my argument, detailing the polarized opposition view and explaining the parts of their argument that I find useful for my solution.

The content of this section changed quite a bit. I added a lot of new content to this section to explain why some of the oppositions argument is credible and another part of it is minutia. This section needed a lot of clarification as to why I was focusing on the opposition argument so much. In addition to adding new ideas and content to the essay I also refocused other sentences on the content that I wanted to be clear.

The form of this section also changed some. This section remained multiple paragraphs although these paragraphs got significantly longer and also was split up into more paragraphs. I reorganized sentences to created better structure and organizational focus and also changed some punctuation in the essay.

Here is the pre-edit version:
"There is much opposition to the freeway. In order to understand the best way to compromise, the issues the opposition raises must be addressed. The City of Phoenix can be considered a “melting-pot” of cultures and peoples. Each project built in a city must be built with respect to each of those cultures and people groups. The South Mountain Freeway would traverse the Ahwatukee Region of Phoenix, a neighborhood between the proposed freeway path and the actual South Mountain.[1] The freeway would also run next to the Gila River Indian Nation along with several neighborhoods in southwest Phoenix including Laveen along with being near the towns of Avondale and Tolleson. Thousands of people will be within direct proximity of the freeway and likely have some sort of vested interests in the region.
Along with the direct impacts of the freeway, there are also several concerns that have been raised by environmental groups about the freeway. The anti-L202 Freeway argument is just part of a larger environmental argument stating that the world needs to stop building new freeways completely in order to combat climate change.[2] The idea is that any new freeways will promote the use of fossil fuels and continued climate change.[3] Another environmental argument is that the freeway will interrupt natural habitats that thus far have been left fairly natural and wild. There are several animal species that call South Mountain home and also live in the land inhabited by the Gila River Tribe.[4] Construction that creates new open access to the South Mountain area could completely altar the habitats of these animals. The Gila River Tribe also began their argument with that same sentiment, to them they are responsible to take care of the land and creatures around them. The tribe has cultural roots and connections to the mountain. They believe that the mountain was the place where their people were created, the mountain is their origin story. O’odham people believe the mountain is more than just a mountain, it’s a reminder of where they came from and who they are. The freeway would traverse the area between their lands and the mountain that they revere.[5] This freeway would be a literal blockade that would cut them off from freely walking up to the mountain. The tribe was so strongly opposed to the idea of the freeway that they would not let the freeway be built across their lands, thus for the freeway to be built it had to be completely run through the city of Phoenix. This means unfortunately that the freeway would have to be built through part of the west side of the mountain. This means extensive blasting and destruction of part of the mountain so that the freeway could be built to code. This is even more upsetting to the tribe, to environmentalists, and even to a lot of local residents.[6] For them the necessity to destroy a sacred natural habitat is a deal breaker and is the ultimate unforgivable sin of this freeway.


[1]"Sides in Phoenix-area Freeway Expansion Battle Get More Time - KTAR.com."KTAR.com. 05 Nov. 2015. Web. 14 Apr. 2016
[2]Sunnucks, Mike. "Environmentalists Fighting against Proposed South Mountain Freeway - Phoenix Business Journal." Widgets RSS. 30 July 2015. Web. 14 Apr. 2016.
[3] Cornelius, Keridwen. "Traffic Jam | Hot Topics." Phoenix. Sept. 2013. Web. 12 Apr. 2016.
[4] Hurtado, Allison. "Sierra Club Lists Loop 202 as One of Worst Transportation Projects in U.S." Ahwatukee Foothills News. 27 Dec. 2012. Web. 14 Apr. 2016.
[5]"Gila River Sacrifices Against Loop 202 on Two Day Run and March." Gila River Loop 202. 12 Dec. 2012. Web. 14 Apr. 2016.
[6] Sieg, Stina. "Protesters Fight Loop 202 Extension." KJZZ. 17 June 2015. Web. 14 Apr. 2016"

Here is the post edit version:
"There is great opposition to the South Mountain Freeway. In order to understand the best way to compromise, the issues the opposition raises must be addressed. The City of Phoenix is a “melting-pot” of cultures and people. Each project built in a city like Phoenix must be built with respect to each of those cultures and people groups. The South Mountain Freeway would traverse the Ahwatukee Region of Phoenix, a neighborhood between the proposed freeway path and the actual South Mountain.[1] The freeway would also run next to the Gila River Indian Nation along with several neighborhoods in southwest Phoenix including Laveen along with being near the towns of Avondale and Tolleson. Thousands of people will be within direct proximity of the freeway and likely have some sort of vested interests in the region. Any logical compromise or solution to a problem must address or respect the needs and wants of the community which it is built in.
Along with the direct impacts of the freeway, there are also several concerns that have been raised by environmental groups about the freeway. The anti-L202 Freeway argument is just part of a larger environmental argument which states that the world needs to stop building new freeways completely in order to combat climate change.[2] The idea is that any new freeways will promote the use of fossil fuels in cars and will continue climate change.[3] Another environmental argument is that the freeway will interrupt natural habitats that have thus far  been left fairly natural and wild. There are several animal species that call South Mountain home and also live in the land inhabited by the Gila River Tribe.[4] Construction that creates new open access to the South Mountain area could completely altar the habitats of these animals.
 The Gila River Tribe also began their argument with that same sentiment, to them they are responsible to take care of the land and creatures around them. The tribe has cultural roots and connections to the mountain. They believe that the mountain was the place where their people were created, the mountain is their origin story. O’odham people believe the mountain is more than just a mountain, it’s a reminder of where they came from and who they are. The freeway would traverse the area between their lands and the mountain that they revere.[5] This freeway would be a literal blockade that would cut them off from freely walking up to the mountain. The tribe was so strongly opposed to the idea of the freeway that they would not let the freeway be built across their lands, thus in order for the freeway to be built it had to be completely routed through the city of Phoenix. This unfortunately means that the freeway would have to be built through part of the west side of the mountain to avoid tribal land. This also means extensive blasting and destruction of part of the mountain so that the freeway could be built to code. This is even more upsetting to the tribe, to environmentalists, and even to a lot of local residents.[6] For them the necessity to destroy a sacred natural habitat is a deal breaker and is the ultimate unforgivable sin of this freeway.


[1]"Sides in Phoenix-area Freeway Expansion Battle Get More Time - KTAR.com."KTAR.com. 05 Nov. 2015. Web. 14 Apr. 2016
[2]Sunnucks, Mike. "Environmentalists Fighting against Proposed South Mountain Freeway - Phoenix Business Journal." Widgets RSS. 30 July 2015. Web. 14 Apr. 2016.
[3] Cornelius, Keridwen. "Traffic Jam | Hot Topics." Phoenix. Sept. 2013. Web. 12 Apr. 2016.
[4] Hurtado, Allison. "Sierra Club Lists Loop 202 as One of Worst Transportation Projects in U.S." Ahwatukee Foothills News. 27 Dec. 2012. Web. 14 Apr. 2016.
[5]"Gila River Sacrifices Against Loop 202 on Two Day Run and March." Gila River Loop 202. 12 Dec. 2012. Web. 14 Apr. 2016.
[6] Sieg, Stina. "Protesters Fight Loop 202 Extension." KJZZ. 17 June 2015. Web. 14 Apr. 2016"

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