This blog will focus on the peer review of one of my fellow classmates. This blog is the final peer review for this assignment, the final blog of this project, and the final blog for this class. Hopefully this will not be the final blog post ever. I peer reviewed Sofia Haserot's Final Project Podcast with a focus on the content of the project.
The feedback that I gave to Sofia centered around comments she had made to me earlier in class as well as looking at the content of her podcast. I think this was helpful because it gave her the chance to see an answer to her worries as well as get feedback on what she could do better. I tried to give complements and some ideas of what I felt could have been done differently to make certain sections stronger.
One of the things that I took from the Students Guide was the idea of content development. I thought that she could have done several things for when she was talking about Project 4. Her content was not developed very much off this idea which seemed ripe for support. Essentially I thought she should use that as a spur point for either a new section or a conclusion. The mention of the final project seems arbitrary without the development of something off that section. Either way I thought she otherwise did a great job with the way she worked her content in her project.
One of the things that I really would like to take from her project and apply to my project is the ability to keep people engaged. Her podcast seemed very natural and relaxed. It was well organized which allowed my thoughts to flow freely from one section to another but it was also interesting which kept me engaged. I believe that my project is probably lacking these things or at the very least struggle to attain them.
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
Editorial Report #2 For Final Project
This blog will be the last editorial report that I write for this project, although editing will continue throughout the next several days. This blog will focus a lot on the same things as the last blog did; the content and form reconstruction in a certain section. This report will focus on one of my main sections for this video where I talk about the interviews that I had to conduct for project 2 and how they affected me.
The content of this section did not change that much in total. I did reorganize a few things and trim off some sections so that the main section itself would stay focused on the topic a lot more. Otherwise the content of this section did not need to be changed much; the main goal of this revision was to get the ideas of the section to be more focused and generally more clear.
The form of this section did change a good amount though. As I was eliminating some words here and there, the section itself got shorter. In addition I had to take out some of the awkward pauses between words that should not have been there as well as adding some pauses to places where I thought that they should be. I also eliminated an entire sentence at the end of the section that organizationally just did not fit in the section. It appeared to have been a lead in for another section that just did not happen. It might have also been me trying to bring home another point, but that obviously did not work very well. In essence it had to be deleted either way.
Here is the pre-edit version, here is the post edit version. I must still warn you that there was a lot of editing that went on before the pre-edit version as well that you will not be able to hear, this might have been a contributing factor to the ending awkward sentence in the section in the old cut.
The content of this section did not change that much in total. I did reorganize a few things and trim off some sections so that the main section itself would stay focused on the topic a lot more. Otherwise the content of this section did not need to be changed much; the main goal of this revision was to get the ideas of the section to be more focused and generally more clear.
The form of this section did change a good amount though. As I was eliminating some words here and there, the section itself got shorter. In addition I had to take out some of the awkward pauses between words that should not have been there as well as adding some pauses to places where I thought that they should be. I also eliminated an entire sentence at the end of the section that organizationally just did not fit in the section. It appeared to have been a lead in for another section that just did not happen. It might have also been me trying to bring home another point, but that obviously did not work very well. In essence it had to be deleted either way.
Here is the pre-edit version, here is the post edit version. I must still warn you that there was a lot of editing that went on before the pre-edit version as well that you will not be able to hear, this might have been a contributing factor to the ending awkward sentence in the section in the old cut.
Editorial Report #1 for Final
This blog will look at the editing process for the final project. In this blog I will take a section of my project and edit it to be the best section; in the meantime I will be looking at what I did and how the content/form changed from beginning to end. This editorial report will focus on the conclusion section of my video.
The content of this video did not change at all during the review process. I thought that the conclusion was an accurate breakdown of what actually happened in the project as well as being a good explanation of why writing was important to what I will be doing every day in my career. However these facts were all hinted at in earlier discussions of the projects, the conclusion only serves to summarize and solidify these ideas into one that people can follow.
The form of this video did change slightly. There were many gaps that I took out so that my sentences could flow better or more naturally. I also edited several sentences and removed unnecessary words or phrases that could be confusing or just out of place. There were a few times when I was splicing together sections that the end thought of one section would not flow into the other and I would miss it and leave a couple random words in the section. I tried to edit those phrases out.
Here is the Pre-editorial report version, and here is the Post-edited version. Note I edited a lot of this stuff before I even put the video together so there wasn't nearly as much work this week.
The content of this video did not change at all during the review process. I thought that the conclusion was an accurate breakdown of what actually happened in the project as well as being a good explanation of why writing was important to what I will be doing every day in my career. However these facts were all hinted at in earlier discussions of the projects, the conclusion only serves to summarize and solidify these ideas into one that people can follow.
The form of this video did change slightly. There were many gaps that I took out so that my sentences could flow better or more naturally. I also edited several sentences and removed unnecessary words or phrases that could be confusing or just out of place. There were a few times when I was splicing together sections that the end thought of one section would not flow into the other and I would miss it and leave a couple random words in the section. I tried to edit those phrases out.
Here is the Pre-editorial report version, and here is the Post-edited version. Note I edited a lot of this stuff before I even put the video together so there wasn't nearly as much work this week.
Monday, May 2, 2016
Open Post to Peer Reviewers
This post will address the production of the final project; this is an open post to peer reviewers. This is the first chance for people to see my finalized video and critique it. This blog will critique the past week as well as look forward to this weeks work on the final. Here is my final project draft.
This project was a real shot in the dark, I didn't know how to approach the project requirements. In addition this is the first time that I have ever attempted to create a video project of any sorts. Despite this, I think that the video project gave me more freedom and creativity for my project. In fact I found it difficult to narrow down and get specific on the details because there were so many ideas that I could talk about regarding the events of this semester.
This rough cut has some definite issues, one of the primary weaknesses in this essay are the amount of pictures used. I had hoped to get more pictures into the video of the actual previous projects, but then I realized that this wouldn't look the best anyway and that in order to get the best display quality possible I needed to get pictures that were interesting and also went with the voice over in the background. Another issue is the vocal level of the video which I expect will possibly cause people to zone out.
The rough cut also has some strengths. One of the strengths in my opinion is the images that I chose for the video. These images were surprisingly well connected to the things that were said in the voice over. This effectively should connect the display with the audio heard. The rough cut is also surprisingly organized and flows well in my opinion between sections. I think the strengths and the weaknesses are fairly even.
This project was a real shot in the dark, I didn't know how to approach the project requirements. In addition this is the first time that I have ever attempted to create a video project of any sorts. Despite this, I think that the video project gave me more freedom and creativity for my project. In fact I found it difficult to narrow down and get specific on the details because there were so many ideas that I could talk about regarding the events of this semester.
This rough cut has some definite issues, one of the primary weaknesses in this essay are the amount of pictures used. I had hoped to get more pictures into the video of the actual previous projects, but then I realized that this wouldn't look the best anyway and that in order to get the best display quality possible I needed to get pictures that were interesting and also went with the voice over in the background. Another issue is the vocal level of the video which I expect will possibly cause people to zone out.
The rough cut also has some strengths. One of the strengths in my opinion is the images that I chose for the video. These images were surprisingly well connected to the things that were said in the voice over. This effectively should connect the display with the audio heard. The rough cut is also surprisingly organized and flows well in my opinion between sections. I think the strengths and the weaknesses are fairly even.
Friday, April 29, 2016
Peer Review for Nick Hernandez
This blog post will cover the only peer review for the production week of the final project. There are many different things I could peer review in this section but I chose to look at a content outline for one of my classmates Nick Hernandez. I will review the detail and development of information in his project.
I think that I helped the author by addressing where he needs to add more content and examples to solidify his project. I think that I gave a good amount of positive feedback for him to develop the project off of as well as a few critiques, mostly for lack of examples in some sections. I thought that each section was well thought out and very easy to see how it will become a major section of the project.
I used information from the student guide to encourage the use of specific content examples to base his argument on. Nevertheless this project is a lot more reliant upon personal examples and ideas than the previous three projects were. Thus I dont think I can really critique him very much for lack of content or clarity of content since they are his personal examples and his personal experiences. Overall I think his organization was great, which is the usual thing that I try to take away from the students guide to review people's projects.
One of the things that I think I could take away from his project is the clarity of ideas and the organization of examples. I think that he did a really good job at clarifying his ideas and examples, I so far feel like that is a weakness in my video essay. I think I am going to try to make sure the pictures used in the video hit home my ideas.
I think that I helped the author by addressing where he needs to add more content and examples to solidify his project. I think that I gave a good amount of positive feedback for him to develop the project off of as well as a few critiques, mostly for lack of examples in some sections. I thought that each section was well thought out and very easy to see how it will become a major section of the project.
I used information from the student guide to encourage the use of specific content examples to base his argument on. Nevertheless this project is a lot more reliant upon personal examples and ideas than the previous three projects were. Thus I dont think I can really critique him very much for lack of content or clarity of content since they are his personal examples and his personal experiences. Overall I think his organization was great, which is the usual thing that I try to take away from the students guide to review people's projects.
One of the things that I think I could take away from his project is the clarity of ideas and the organization of examples. I think that he did a really good job at clarifying his ideas and examples, I so far feel like that is a weakness in my video essay. I think I am going to try to make sure the pictures used in the video hit home my ideas.
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Production Report 2 for Final Project
This blog will discuss the production of the final project like the last blog did. However I will focus on a different section of raw background audio for this report. Again this is not the completed video but rather just the audio that will play in the background and guide the listeners thoughts.
The form of this opening body section is very similar to that of the introduction. I talk about Project 1 in this segment and how much it changed my opinion of writing as a topic. I used raw and unscripted thoughts and descriptions of the project to show how my opinion of what writing is has changed. This section is just the audio voice over of the section so hopefully the visual images of qrg's will bring my points home for the listener/viewer.
The production of this material went fairly smoothly, in fact it was originally included in a much larger section of work that talked about most of the projects in general. I had to record this section several times in order to get the information that I wanted presented fluently. I also needed to cut this section out of a larger section which meant editing the raw audio to be just smaller bits of audio.
Here is my first body segment of audio for my video.
The form of this opening body section is very similar to that of the introduction. I talk about Project 1 in this segment and how much it changed my opinion of writing as a topic. I used raw and unscripted thoughts and descriptions of the project to show how my opinion of what writing is has changed. This section is just the audio voice over of the section so hopefully the visual images of qrg's will bring my points home for the listener/viewer.
The production of this material went fairly smoothly, in fact it was originally included in a much larger section of work that talked about most of the projects in general. I had to record this section several times in order to get the information that I wanted presented fluently. I also needed to cut this section out of a larger section which meant editing the raw audio to be just smaller bits of audio.
Here is my first body segment of audio for my video.
Production Report for Final Project
This blog will cover the production of some of the materials for the final project. I will evaluate how the material shown affects the project as a whole as well as why the segment does what it does. I have chosen to upload a very raw version of the audio voice over for the video's introduction.
The form of this content is obviously very raw. The idea was to have the content flow as naturally as possible while maintaining some sort of organization. I decided that this introduction must feature the background ideas of the class, or at least the ones that I thought were worth focusing on in great detail. I tried give a short synopsis of everything that I was going to cover in my video as well as why that played into the main ideas of the class. This project's genre of video essay helped me use a natural and relaxed tone for the audio.
The production of this raw audio was very slow. There were many hiccups and challenges to producing it. First and foremost I had to do several takes because I would forget my train of thought or get caught up in a rabbit trail that would add several minutes to the recording and change the context of the entire thing. Secondly I had to also remember to give myself cues for what sort of images I wanted to play in the video while I did my voice over, so if I got too much into detail I could potentially ruin the video with boring audio. Nevertheless once it came together it captured what I wanted the video to focus on.
Here is my raw introduction audio.
Monday, April 25, 2016
Production Schedule
This blog will cover the schedule that I've created for the next couple weeks work. I will hopefully stick to this schedule for the project and be able to get everything else done for all my other classes as well. This project will be a challenge for me this week as I have so many other things to do this week.
Here is the schedule for my final project.
Here is the schedule for my final project.
Content Outline
This blog will look at the outline of the final project for this semester. I will outline how I want this last project to go and how I want it to be constructed. This project will be a video essay.
I will begin my video with an introduction section that gives a little background on my writing experience. This introduction will then go more in depth about this semesters writing and experiences over these projects. I will outline each projects goals and what it took to complete them, including all the sacrifices that I had to make to make each project happen. Hopefully I can grab the readers attention through different subjects people can relate to.
The first main section of the video will focus on the first project for this semester, this segment will look at how I wrote my QRG. I will address how I had to focus on the genre conventions heavily because I had not previously written one before. I will look at how I had to focus on the time aspect of building the project and managing all the blog posts. I will look at how this project helped me develop skills for researching ideas.
The second section of the video will focus on the podcast that I wrote for my second project. I will discuss how I had to get used to recording different audio segments and editing them together. This was a skill that I didnt know before. The podcast was a unique skill that I hadn't developed before, I was able to talk to different professors and hone my skills of interviewing people as well as interacting in a professional environment.
The third section of the video will focus on the essay that I just recently completed. I will discuss the challenges that I experienced while writing the essay including finding a way to make my research into an argument. This section will look at how I was able to dig into a problem and propose a solution. I will also talk about how I struggled to get through this essay due to various different concepts.
The conclusion of the video will focus on how I have grown as a writer or creator of content. I will talk about why I need to have decent writing skills for my major. I might also discuss my personal experiences in the class overall, including how my time management skills were crafted in this class.
I will begin my video with an introduction section that gives a little background on my writing experience. This introduction will then go more in depth about this semesters writing and experiences over these projects. I will outline each projects goals and what it took to complete them, including all the sacrifices that I had to make to make each project happen. Hopefully I can grab the readers attention through different subjects people can relate to.
The first main section of the video will focus on the first project for this semester, this segment will look at how I wrote my QRG. I will address how I had to focus on the genre conventions heavily because I had not previously written one before. I will look at how I had to focus on the time aspect of building the project and managing all the blog posts. I will look at how this project helped me develop skills for researching ideas.
The second section of the video will focus on the podcast that I wrote for my second project. I will discuss how I had to get used to recording different audio segments and editing them together. This was a skill that I didnt know before. The podcast was a unique skill that I hadn't developed before, I was able to talk to different professors and hone my skills of interviewing people as well as interacting in a professional environment.
The third section of the video will focus on the essay that I just recently completed. I will discuss the challenges that I experienced while writing the essay including finding a way to make my research into an argument. This section will look at how I was able to dig into a problem and propose a solution. I will also talk about how I struggled to get through this essay due to various different concepts.
The conclusion of the video will focus on how I have grown as a writer or creator of content. I will talk about why I need to have decent writing skills for my major. I might also discuss my personal experiences in the class overall, including how my time management skills were crafted in this class.
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Peer Review of Alexis Morrison
This is the last peer review for Project 3. I will focus on peer reviewing Alexis Morrison's essay for copy-editing or content.
I tried to help the author by giving feedback on what went well and what could have used more help in the essay. I think that the argument is clearly stated and that the ideas presented are clearly stated. The language used is very purposeful, in fact the whole argument of the essay is about purposeful language. I found that the language used did in fact do this. I also thought that there might be an opportunity to include some sources however I dont know if that is what the author wants to accomplish with this paragraph.
I didn't use the students guide very much for this review. I did keep in mind the things that the students guide said about content and the way that content is presented. But I didnt need to talk too much on that point since the author did such a good job at presenting the content.
I found the argument very interesting and I found myself wanting to read more of the article. This is the sort of reaction I want readers to have when they are reading my essay. My argument and proposal isnt nearly as much in the forefront of public opinion as Alexis paper is.
I tried to help the author by giving feedback on what went well and what could have used more help in the essay. I think that the argument is clearly stated and that the ideas presented are clearly stated. The language used is very purposeful, in fact the whole argument of the essay is about purposeful language. I found that the language used did in fact do this. I also thought that there might be an opportunity to include some sources however I dont know if that is what the author wants to accomplish with this paragraph.
I didn't use the students guide very much for this review. I did keep in mind the things that the students guide said about content and the way that content is presented. But I didnt need to talk too much on that point since the author did such a good job at presenting the content.
I found the argument very interesting and I found myself wanting to read more of the article. This is the sort of reaction I want readers to have when they are reading my essay. My argument and proposal isnt nearly as much in the forefront of public opinion as Alexis paper is.
Peer Review of Bianca Aguilar
This blog post will focus on the peer-review of Bianca Aguilar's video essay. I tried to leave valuable feedback about the design or form of the section that was posted.
I tried to help the author by giving feedback on how effective the genre conventions used were as well as trying to find how I could find some genre convention that could be done better. The author used a lot of genre conventions such as background music and smooth transitions between the images. However I thought she could use more of the subtitles or on screen words to emphasize the point she is trying to get across.
I used the students guide briefly to guide my thoughts on organization although I did not talk a lot about that in my review. I tried to think about how the genre conventions affected the way the video essay was presented. But again I didn't use much of the students guide to guide my review.
I admired how smoothly everything transitioned in this segment. The images moved well from one to another and the voice-over worked quite well. I think that the genre conventions were taken advantage of quite well, that is the thing that I wish I could take away and apply to my essay.
I tried to help the author by giving feedback on how effective the genre conventions used were as well as trying to find how I could find some genre convention that could be done better. The author used a lot of genre conventions such as background music and smooth transitions between the images. However I thought she could use more of the subtitles or on screen words to emphasize the point she is trying to get across.
I used the students guide briefly to guide my thoughts on organization although I did not talk a lot about that in my review. I tried to think about how the genre conventions affected the way the video essay was presented. But again I didn't use much of the students guide to guide my review.
I admired how smoothly everything transitioned in this segment. The images moved well from one to another and the voice-over worked quite well. I think that the genre conventions were taken advantage of quite well, that is the thing that I wish I could take away and apply to my essay.
Reflection on Local Revision
This blog will cover the week of revision before the project is due and turned in. I will explore how I felt this week went and how the revision phase went this week.
This week was successful in that I was able to focus a lot on this project. Many other classes didnt give out much work this week so I was able to read and re-read my essay multiple times. I was able to revise many different times and each time I go back and look at the essay I find new things that I want to change or that I think could have been done better. This week I was able to do everything and more with the essay that I had hoped. I think that the essay has become more cohesive, more oriented around the solution that I am proposing and also has become better organized this week.
This week also had its challenges. I struggled to re-write certain areas of the paper this week that I knew had to be re-written or at least heavily revised. I also found it very difficult to perfect the paper as every time I looked at the paper I would find new things that I disliked and wanted to change. I dont think that I will ever be completely satisfied with this paper but nevertheless I definitely feel that it is a better paper than the rough draft version that was written two weeks ago. My only concern is that I was not able to establish enough authorial legitimacy in this "formal paper", I feel like to include personal examples and other things would weaken the paper and make it seem like I was just ranting about how much I hate sitting in rush hour traffic.
Next week is the start of the last project so I feel that it will go fairly well considering that I am ready for this semester to end. I can finally move on from this paper and begin looking at the bigger picture of my work this year through the means of a video essay. In essence I dont know what to expect from next week besides for a lot of work in this class and in other classes as well.
Overall like I mentioned before, I feel rather unsure about this project. I thought it was going to be easy to write an essay since I've done so many before. However this was not the case. I actually really dislike this essay and I'm so glad that I'm essentially done with it. I will most likely look over it a few more times before submitting it this weekend. I think this project has been a good growing experience for me as a writer and I am just glad that it is over with and I can move on to a different genre and topic.
This week was successful in that I was able to focus a lot on this project. Many other classes didnt give out much work this week so I was able to read and re-read my essay multiple times. I was able to revise many different times and each time I go back and look at the essay I find new things that I want to change or that I think could have been done better. This week I was able to do everything and more with the essay that I had hoped. I think that the essay has become more cohesive, more oriented around the solution that I am proposing and also has become better organized this week.
This week also had its challenges. I struggled to re-write certain areas of the paper this week that I knew had to be re-written or at least heavily revised. I also found it very difficult to perfect the paper as every time I looked at the paper I would find new things that I disliked and wanted to change. I dont think that I will ever be completely satisfied with this paper but nevertheless I definitely feel that it is a better paper than the rough draft version that was written two weeks ago. My only concern is that I was not able to establish enough authorial legitimacy in this "formal paper", I feel like to include personal examples and other things would weaken the paper and make it seem like I was just ranting about how much I hate sitting in rush hour traffic.
Next week is the start of the last project so I feel that it will go fairly well considering that I am ready for this semester to end. I can finally move on from this paper and begin looking at the bigger picture of my work this year through the means of a video essay. In essence I dont know what to expect from next week besides for a lot of work in this class and in other classes as well.
Overall like I mentioned before, I feel rather unsure about this project. I thought it was going to be easy to write an essay since I've done so many before. However this was not the case. I actually really dislike this essay and I'm so glad that I'm essentially done with it. I will most likely look over it a few more times before submitting it this weekend. I think this project has been a good growing experience for me as a writer and I am just glad that it is over with and I can move on to a different genre and topic.
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
Revised Post to Peer Reviewers
In this blog I will explore the fine cut draft of my essay which includes the most recent local revisions. This fine cut is not the final final cut as I hope to re-evaluate my essay starting on thursday.
I thought that this version is a much more clear version of the essay and effectively conveys my meanings to the reader. I think there is work that still can be done to make the essay even more clear and effective at informing the reader about my proposed solution and how it is a compromise between the two polarized sides so that everyone benefits.
Please look for anyways to make my argument clearer or make my solution look more credible.
Here is my fine cut of Project 3.
I thought that this version is a much more clear version of the essay and effectively conveys my meanings to the reader. I think there is work that still can be done to make the essay even more clear and effective at informing the reader about my proposed solution and how it is a compromise between the two polarized sides so that everyone benefits.
Please look for anyways to make my argument clearer or make my solution look more credible.
Here is my fine cut of Project 3.
Editorial Report for Local Revision Part 2
This blog will also look at the local revisions for Project 3. I will focus on a different section than before and address how it was changed to be a better and more effective section. I will look at the first major section of my argument, detailing the polarized opposition view and explaining the parts of their argument that I find useful for my solution.
The content of this section changed quite a bit. I added a lot of new content to this section to explain why some of the oppositions argument is credible and another part of it is minutia. This section needed a lot of clarification as to why I was focusing on the opposition argument so much. In addition to adding new ideas and content to the essay I also refocused other sentences on the content that I wanted to be clear.
The form of this section also changed some. This section remained multiple paragraphs although these paragraphs got significantly longer and also was split up into more paragraphs. I reorganized sentences to created better structure and organizational focus and also changed some punctuation in the essay.
Here is the pre-edit version:
The content of this section changed quite a bit. I added a lot of new content to this section to explain why some of the oppositions argument is credible and another part of it is minutia. This section needed a lot of clarification as to why I was focusing on the opposition argument so much. In addition to adding new ideas and content to the essay I also refocused other sentences on the content that I wanted to be clear.
The form of this section also changed some. This section remained multiple paragraphs although these paragraphs got significantly longer and also was split up into more paragraphs. I reorganized sentences to created better structure and organizational focus and also changed some punctuation in the essay.
Here is the pre-edit version:
"There is
much opposition to the freeway. In order to understand the best way to
compromise, the issues the opposition raises must be addressed. The City of
Phoenix can be considered a “melting-pot” of cultures and peoples. Each project
built in a city must be built with respect to each of those cultures and people
groups. The South Mountain Freeway would traverse the Ahwatukee Region of
Phoenix, a neighborhood between the proposed freeway path and the actual South
Mountain.[1]
The freeway would also run next to the Gila River Indian Nation along with
several neighborhoods in southwest Phoenix including Laveen along with being
near the towns of Avondale and Tolleson. Thousands of people will be within
direct proximity of the freeway and likely have some sort of vested interests
in the region.
Along
with the direct impacts of the freeway, there are also several concerns that
have been raised by environmental groups about the freeway. The anti-L202
Freeway argument is just part of a larger environmental argument stating that
the world needs to stop building new freeways completely in order to combat
climate change.[2]
The idea is that any new freeways will promote the use of fossil fuels and
continued climate change.[3]
Another environmental argument is that the freeway will interrupt natural
habitats that thus far have been left fairly natural and wild. There are
several animal species that call South Mountain home and also live in the land
inhabited by the Gila River Tribe.[4]
Construction that creates new open access to the South Mountain area could
completely altar the habitats of these animals. The Gila River Tribe also began
their argument with that same sentiment, to them they are responsible to take
care of the land and creatures around them. The tribe has cultural roots and
connections to the mountain. They believe that the mountain was the place where
their people were created, the mountain is their origin story. O’odham people
believe the mountain is more than just a mountain, it’s a reminder of where
they came from and who they are. The freeway would traverse the area between
their lands and the mountain that they revere.[5]
This freeway would be a literal blockade that would cut them off from freely
walking up to the mountain. The tribe was so strongly opposed to the idea of
the freeway that they would not let the freeway be built across their lands,
thus for the freeway to be built it had to be completely run through the city
of Phoenix. This means unfortunately that the freeway would have to be built
through part of the west side of the mountain. This means extensive blasting
and destruction of part of the mountain so that the freeway could be built to
code. This is even more upsetting to the tribe, to environmentalists, and even
to a lot of local residents.[6]
For them the necessity to destroy a sacred natural habitat is a deal breaker
and is the ultimate unforgivable sin of this freeway.
[1]"Sides
in Phoenix-area Freeway Expansion Battle Get More Time -
KTAR.com."KTAR.com. 05 Nov. 2015. Web. 14 Apr. 2016
[2]Sunnucks,
Mike. "Environmentalists Fighting against Proposed South Mountain Freeway
- Phoenix Business Journal." Widgets RSS. 30 July 2015. Web. 14 Apr. 2016.
[3] Cornelius,
Keridwen. "Traffic Jam | Hot Topics." Phoenix. Sept. 2013. Web. 12
Apr. 2016.
[4] Hurtado,
Allison. "Sierra Club Lists Loop 202 as One of Worst Transportation
Projects in U.S." Ahwatukee Foothills News. 27 Dec. 2012. Web. 14 Apr.
2016.
[5]"Gila
River Sacrifices Against Loop 202 on Two Day Run and March." Gila River
Loop 202. 12 Dec. 2012. Web. 14 Apr. 2016.
[6] Sieg,
Stina. "Protesters Fight Loop 202 Extension." KJZZ. 17 June 2015.
Web. 14 Apr. 2016"
Here is the post edit version:
"There is
great opposition to the South Mountain Freeway. In order to understand the best
way to compromise, the issues the opposition raises must be addressed. The City
of Phoenix is a “melting-pot” of cultures and people. Each project built in a
city like Phoenix must be built with respect to each of those cultures and
people groups. The South Mountain Freeway would traverse the Ahwatukee Region
of Phoenix, a neighborhood between the proposed freeway path and the actual
South Mountain.[1]
The freeway would also run next to the Gila River Indian Nation along with
several neighborhoods in southwest Phoenix including Laveen along with being
near the towns of Avondale and Tolleson. Thousands of people will be within
direct proximity of the freeway and likely have some sort of vested interests
in the region. Any logical compromise or solution to a problem must address or
respect the needs and wants of the community which it is built in.
Along with
the direct impacts of the freeway, there are also several concerns that have
been raised by environmental groups about the freeway. The anti-L202 Freeway
argument is just part of a larger environmental argument which states that the
world needs to stop building new freeways completely in order to combat climate
change.[2]
The idea is that any new freeways will promote the use of fossil fuels in cars
and will continue climate change.[3]
Another environmental argument is that the freeway will interrupt natural
habitats that have thus far been left
fairly natural and wild. There are several animal species that call South
Mountain home and also live in the land inhabited by the Gila River Tribe.[4]
Construction that creates new open access to the South Mountain area could
completely altar the habitats of these animals.
The Gila River Tribe also began their argument
with that same sentiment, to them they are responsible to take care of the land
and creatures around them. The tribe has cultural roots and connections to the
mountain. They believe that the mountain was the place where their people were
created, the mountain is their origin story. O’odham people believe the
mountain is more than just a mountain, it’s a reminder of where they came from
and who they are. The freeway would traverse the area between their lands and
the mountain that they revere.[5]
This freeway would be a literal blockade that would cut them off from freely
walking up to the mountain. The tribe was so strongly opposed to the idea of
the freeway that they would not let the freeway be built across their lands,
thus in order for the freeway to be built it had to be completely routed
through the city of Phoenix. This unfortunately means that the freeway would
have to be built through part of the west side of the mountain to avoid tribal
land. This also means extensive blasting and destruction of part of the
mountain so that the freeway could be built to code. This is even more
upsetting to the tribe, to environmentalists, and even to a lot of local
residents.[6]
For them the necessity to destroy a sacred natural habitat is a deal breaker
and is the ultimate unforgivable sin of this freeway.
[1]"Sides
in Phoenix-area Freeway Expansion Battle Get More Time -
KTAR.com."KTAR.com. 05 Nov. 2015. Web. 14 Apr. 2016
[2]Sunnucks,
Mike. "Environmentalists Fighting against Proposed South Mountain Freeway
- Phoenix Business Journal." Widgets RSS. 30 July 2015. Web. 14 Apr. 2016.
[3] Cornelius,
Keridwen. "Traffic Jam | Hot Topics." Phoenix. Sept. 2013. Web. 12
Apr. 2016.
[4] Hurtado,
Allison. "Sierra Club Lists Loop 202 as One of Worst Transportation
Projects in U.S." Ahwatukee Foothills News. 27 Dec. 2012. Web. 14 Apr.
2016.
[5]"Gila
River Sacrifices Against Loop 202 on Two Day Run and March." Gila River
Loop 202. 12 Dec. 2012. Web. 14 Apr. 2016.
[6] Sieg,
Stina. "Protesters Fight Loop 202 Extension." KJZZ. 17 June 2015.
Web. 14 Apr. 2016"
Editorial Report for Local Revision
This blog will look at the process of continued editing of Project 3. In this instance I will look at the small things that need to be edited, otherwise known as local revisions. I will look at the introduction section of the project.
The content of this section changed slightly during this revision. I continued to split the paragraph into multiple paragraphs, then I clarified sentences and looked at grammar structure to ensure that the sentences made sense and had the most grammatical clarity possible. I continued with the content editing by adding new sentences to try to establish my credibility to talk about the traffic issues in Phoenix. Hopefully extra sentences will clarify my argument and get people to see why my solution needs to be presented in the way that it is presented.
The form of this section changed slightly as well. The paragraph was split into two paragraphs to give the affect of adding more space, this allows the reader to not feel as overwhelmed when reading. Sentences were also broken in half to eliminate potential run-on sentences. Punctuation was also changed to more effectively guide the reading speed and meaning of sentences for the reader. The form of the section makes the section more fluent and easier to comprehend.
Here is the Pre-edit version:
"Stuck in a traffic jam in the middle of the sweltering hot desert; many people have been in this situation before, backed up due to an accident in Phoenix rush hour for hours at a time. This traffic backup is a daily occurrence on Interstate 10 (the Papago/Maricopa Freeways) in Phoenix. Not only does this congestion back up people trying to get from the East side of the metro to the West side of the metro, but it also catches tourists traveling through the area as well as trucks as they try to bring goods from the ports in California to somewhere inland or from Mexico to somewhere inland. Phoenix area residents will all tell you that there needs to be a solution to this bottleneck or at least some alternative route to get around this hodgepodge of highways. But any solution will have its own problems, no solution is problem-less; however it is in the best interest to find the least objectionable solution that will be for the greater good. Many alternatives have been proposed to solve the traffic woes of the Phoenix Metropolitan Area. None are as controversial as the South Mountain portion of Loop 202, a major freeway loop on the east and south sides of the Phoenix Metropolitan Area. The South Mountain Freeway is a proposed pivotal highway link in the Phoenix area that will have major repercussions on the entire state of Arizona if built; the freeway is said to be controversial due to its impact on the environment and its encroachment on a religious site, however this is outweighed by economic impact to the entire state as well as alleviate the major congestion in the downtown Phoenix area which contributes to the major pollution in the Phoenix Metropolitan Area, however the construction of this freeway can be done with as little controversy as possible."
Here is the post-edit version:
"Stuck in a traffic jam in the middle of the sweltering hot desert; many people have been in this situation before, backed up due to an accident in Phoenix rush hour for hours at a time. As Arizona and Phoenix grow, this problem will continue to plague truck driver and average citizen worker alike. This traffic backup is a daily occurrence on Interstate 10 (the Papago/Maricopa Freeways) in Phoenix. Not only does this congestion back up people trying to get from the East side of the metro to the West side of the metro, but it also catches tourists traveling through the area as well as trucks as they try to bring goods from the ports in California to somewhere inland or from Mexico to somewhere inland. Phoenix area residents will all tell you that there needs to be a solution to this bottleneck or at least some alternative route to get around this hodgepodge of highways. Everyone hates getting stuck in traffic congestion, but any solution will have its own problems. No solution is problem-less; however it is in the best interest to find the least objectionable solution that will be for the greater good; in this instance a compromise between environmental groups, local residents, and construction groups that allows everyone to be content.
Many alternatives have been proposed to solve the traffic woes of the Phoenix Metropolitan Area. None are as controversial as the South Mountain portion of Loop 202, a major freeway loop on the eastern and southern sides of the Phoenix Metropolitan Area. The South Mountain Freeway is a pivotal proposed highway in the Phoenix area that will have major repercussions on the entire state of Arizona if built. The freeway is said to be controversial due to its impact on the environment and its encroachment on a religious site; however this worry is outweighed by the economic impact to the entire state as well as the alleviation of major congestion in the downtown Phoenix area that contributes to major pollution in the Phoenix Metropolitan Area."
The content of this section changed slightly during this revision. I continued to split the paragraph into multiple paragraphs, then I clarified sentences and looked at grammar structure to ensure that the sentences made sense and had the most grammatical clarity possible. I continued with the content editing by adding new sentences to try to establish my credibility to talk about the traffic issues in Phoenix. Hopefully extra sentences will clarify my argument and get people to see why my solution needs to be presented in the way that it is presented.
The form of this section changed slightly as well. The paragraph was split into two paragraphs to give the affect of adding more space, this allows the reader to not feel as overwhelmed when reading. Sentences were also broken in half to eliminate potential run-on sentences. Punctuation was also changed to more effectively guide the reading speed and meaning of sentences for the reader. The form of the section makes the section more fluent and easier to comprehend.
Here is the Pre-edit version:
"Stuck in a traffic jam in the middle of the sweltering hot desert; many people have been in this situation before, backed up due to an accident in Phoenix rush hour for hours at a time. This traffic backup is a daily occurrence on Interstate 10 (the Papago/Maricopa Freeways) in Phoenix. Not only does this congestion back up people trying to get from the East side of the metro to the West side of the metro, but it also catches tourists traveling through the area as well as trucks as they try to bring goods from the ports in California to somewhere inland or from Mexico to somewhere inland. Phoenix area residents will all tell you that there needs to be a solution to this bottleneck or at least some alternative route to get around this hodgepodge of highways. But any solution will have its own problems, no solution is problem-less; however it is in the best interest to find the least objectionable solution that will be for the greater good. Many alternatives have been proposed to solve the traffic woes of the Phoenix Metropolitan Area. None are as controversial as the South Mountain portion of Loop 202, a major freeway loop on the east and south sides of the Phoenix Metropolitan Area. The South Mountain Freeway is a proposed pivotal highway link in the Phoenix area that will have major repercussions on the entire state of Arizona if built; the freeway is said to be controversial due to its impact on the environment and its encroachment on a religious site, however this is outweighed by economic impact to the entire state as well as alleviate the major congestion in the downtown Phoenix area which contributes to the major pollution in the Phoenix Metropolitan Area, however the construction of this freeway can be done with as little controversy as possible."
Here is the post-edit version:
"Stuck in a traffic jam in the middle of the sweltering hot desert; many people have been in this situation before, backed up due to an accident in Phoenix rush hour for hours at a time. As Arizona and Phoenix grow, this problem will continue to plague truck driver and average citizen worker alike. This traffic backup is a daily occurrence on Interstate 10 (the Papago/Maricopa Freeways) in Phoenix. Not only does this congestion back up people trying to get from the East side of the metro to the West side of the metro, but it also catches tourists traveling through the area as well as trucks as they try to bring goods from the ports in California to somewhere inland or from Mexico to somewhere inland. Phoenix area residents will all tell you that there needs to be a solution to this bottleneck or at least some alternative route to get around this hodgepodge of highways. Everyone hates getting stuck in traffic congestion, but any solution will have its own problems. No solution is problem-less; however it is in the best interest to find the least objectionable solution that will be for the greater good; in this instance a compromise between environmental groups, local residents, and construction groups that allows everyone to be content.
Many alternatives have been proposed to solve the traffic woes of the Phoenix Metropolitan Area. None are as controversial as the South Mountain portion of Loop 202, a major freeway loop on the eastern and southern sides of the Phoenix Metropolitan Area. The South Mountain Freeway is a pivotal proposed highway in the Phoenix area that will have major repercussions on the entire state of Arizona if built. The freeway is said to be controversial due to its impact on the environment and its encroachment on a religious site; however this worry is outweighed by the economic impact to the entire state as well as the alleviation of major congestion in the downtown Phoenix area that contributes to major pollution in the Phoenix Metropolitan Area."
Thursday, April 14, 2016
Peer Review for Sarah Moskowitz
In this blog I will peer review a student from another class. I will peer review Sarah Moskowitz's video about limiting screen time for toddlers. In this review I will look at the content of her video.
I think I helped her by answering some of the questions that she had left in her blog for her peer reviewers. She wanted to know how effective her quotes and statistics were specifically. I was able to tell her that they worked well with the images she chose in the background as well as the fact that she needed more of everything. I think she needs more information in her video essay and if she does that it will make her project more complete.
I used the students guide very little for this review. I did use a little of the advice that was given for writing effective content. I looked at how to use statistics effectively and then applied it to how it was used in her video essay. I think that she could benefit from linking statistics and quotes with the images in the background to hammer home her argument.
Overall I was very impressed with how the stats that were used were effective. I think that in my essay if I can somehow link my evidence directly in and emphasize the evidence in my argument that my essay will be more effective. I think that any sort of re-focus on the evidence will help my out in my paper.
I think I helped her by answering some of the questions that she had left in her blog for her peer reviewers. She wanted to know how effective her quotes and statistics were specifically. I was able to tell her that they worked well with the images she chose in the background as well as the fact that she needed more of everything. I think she needs more information in her video essay and if she does that it will make her project more complete.
I used the students guide very little for this review. I did use a little of the advice that was given for writing effective content. I looked at how to use statistics effectively and then applied it to how it was used in her video essay. I think that she could benefit from linking statistics and quotes with the images in the background to hammer home her argument.
Overall I was very impressed with how the stats that were used were effective. I think that in my essay if I can somehow link my evidence directly in and emphasize the evidence in my argument that my essay will be more effective. I think that any sort of re-focus on the evidence will help my out in my paper.
Peer Review for Joshua Smith
In this blog post I will peer review Joshua Smith's paper on Fracking. In this review activity I looked at the form of the essay and critiqued its usefulness.
I like to think that I helped the author by talking about how what he did effectively. The form of his essay made the essay very readable and very easy to gain information from. I tried to let him know how effective this form was in conveying his argument. I also gave him a little feedback on what I thought he could do better.
I like usual used the student's guide to address the organization of the essay. I try to focus on that for most people and this case was no different. He did really well organizing his project so I did not feel as if I needed to talk too much about fixing organization. His project flowed really well from one section to another.
I really enjoyed how he incorporated his quotes into his paper as well as how he used the organization to get his point across. I really wish I could emulate this in my paper. My paper needs some of this sectional organization as well as highly incorporated quotes. Without these two things I think that my paper is lacking.
I like to think that I helped the author by talking about how what he did effectively. The form of his essay made the essay very readable and very easy to gain information from. I tried to let him know how effective this form was in conveying his argument. I also gave him a little feedback on what I thought he could do better.
I like usual used the student's guide to address the organization of the essay. I try to focus on that for most people and this case was no different. He did really well organizing his project so I did not feel as if I needed to talk too much about fixing organization. His project flowed really well from one section to another.
I really enjoyed how he incorporated his quotes into his paper as well as how he used the organization to get his point across. I really wish I could emulate this in my paper. My paper needs some of this sectional organization as well as highly incorporated quotes. Without these two things I think that my paper is lacking.
Reflection on Revision Week #1
In this blog I will address how this week of review went through the level of things accomplished as well as what went right and what went wrong this week. This blog will look forward to next week as well.
Some of the successes of this weeks work were small in nature. I was able to go back into my essay and edit the order of some paragraphs as well as edit the structure of many sentences that did not make any logical sense at the time. This week made the project a workable project that can be reviewed and critically critiqued. I think the main success of this week was just making the essay presentable and also informative.
This week also presented several challenges. I struggled to figure out how to word a lot of the sections that I was editing. I felt like I struggled with writers block all week long and I really didnt have the motivation to edit this project. Nevertheless I still worked on it and got it to the point to where I believe that it meets the idea of what I had pictured it to be several weeks ago.
I anticipate that next week will go well for this project. I think that I will be able to finely craft my project into the project that I had wanted it to be in the first week. I do think that the week will require more editing than most of the past revision weeks for the past projects. However I expect that this will produce a good week of editing and in turn a good project.
Im feeling very nervous about this project at this point. In my opinion I dont feel like this project is my best work or that this project is as good as it can be. This project still needs a lot of work and I feel that I might not have enough time to get this project to the level that I want it to be. I will still try my hardest but Im very unsure as to whether this project can be as good as I want it to be.
Some of the successes of this weeks work were small in nature. I was able to go back into my essay and edit the order of some paragraphs as well as edit the structure of many sentences that did not make any logical sense at the time. This week made the project a workable project that can be reviewed and critically critiqued. I think the main success of this week was just making the essay presentable and also informative.
This week also presented several challenges. I struggled to figure out how to word a lot of the sections that I was editing. I felt like I struggled with writers block all week long and I really didnt have the motivation to edit this project. Nevertheless I still worked on it and got it to the point to where I believe that it meets the idea of what I had pictured it to be several weeks ago.
I anticipate that next week will go well for this project. I think that I will be able to finely craft my project into the project that I had wanted it to be in the first week. I do think that the week will require more editing than most of the past revision weeks for the past projects. However I expect that this will produce a good week of editing and in turn a good project.
Im feeling very nervous about this project at this point. In my opinion I dont feel like this project is my best work or that this project is as good as it can be. This project still needs a lot of work and I feel that I might not have enough time to get this project to the level that I want it to be. I will still try my hardest but Im very unsure as to whether this project can be as good as I want it to be.
Open Post to Peer Reviewers
This blog will address the whole project for project 3 called Culture vs. Progress. This blog is directed directly at the peer-reviewer to talk about what the strengths and weaknesses of this project are.
This project has several things you the reviewer should know about. Firstly this issue has been an ongoing controversy for years but hadn't become a major controversy until recently. However this controversy is limited to Phoenix and particularly the south side of Phoenix. Nevertheless this is a very divisive and controversial issue in Phoenix and its importance on the rest of the state should not be underestimated.
I worry that the essay might not have enough direct evidence from my sources and might need sources to support other ideas that I had in the essay (like the animal crossings). I think that direct quotes might be needed in abundance to help add legitimacy to my proposal, however I am weary of the essay becoming too built upon outside arguments.
Some of the things that I think went well in this essay were the depiction of the controversy and explanation of why it is controversial. I also think that the way that I built upon these different sides to put my argument together. I think by explaining each side I was able to put together a rational medium which will appease both sides yet be the correct response to the concerns raised by either side.
Here is my rough cut of Project 3.
This project has several things you the reviewer should know about. Firstly this issue has been an ongoing controversy for years but hadn't become a major controversy until recently. However this controversy is limited to Phoenix and particularly the south side of Phoenix. Nevertheless this is a very divisive and controversial issue in Phoenix and its importance on the rest of the state should not be underestimated.
I worry that the essay might not have enough direct evidence from my sources and might need sources to support other ideas that I had in the essay (like the animal crossings). I think that direct quotes might be needed in abundance to help add legitimacy to my proposal, however I am weary of the essay becoming too built upon outside arguments.
Some of the things that I think went well in this essay were the depiction of the controversy and explanation of why it is controversial. I also think that the way that I built upon these different sides to put my argument together. I think by explaining each side I was able to put together a rational medium which will appease both sides yet be the correct response to the concerns raised by either side.
Here is my rough cut of Project 3.
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Editorial Report 2
In this blog I will continue my process of editing my essay. I will focus on a different section than I did the last time and will again look at content and form. I will show the pre and post edit version of the same section. This editorial report will focus on the pro-freeway argument section.
This section didnt require much content revision. I did however work on the same things as I had in the previous section. I looked at trying to clarify some sections of content where it was not clear what I was talking about. In addition I looked at the meaning of some words and changed them to better fit the flow of the paragraph. I still need to add in direct quotes probably in order to directly support my position.
The form of this section was altered significantly however. I split up the section into separate paragraphs that were easier visually to comprehend. I also changed the sentence flow of some sentences to get them to make logical sense. I also had to add in some sections to clarify the meaning of some sentences, this helped the sentences flow better and allowed the reader to clearly follow my thoughts.
Here is the pre-edit version:
This section didnt require much content revision. I did however work on the same things as I had in the previous section. I looked at trying to clarify some sections of content where it was not clear what I was talking about. In addition I looked at the meaning of some words and changed them to better fit the flow of the paragraph. I still need to add in direct quotes probably in order to directly support my position.
The form of this section was altered significantly however. I split up the section into separate paragraphs that were easier visually to comprehend. I also changed the sentence flow of some sentences to get them to make logical sense. I also had to add in some sections to clarify the meaning of some sentences, this helped the sentences flow better and allowed the reader to clearly follow my thoughts.
Here is the pre-edit version:
"The merits
of building a new transportation corridor are always high, this is especially
true with a corridor of high caliber like the South Mountain Freeway. Large
transportation projects tend to spur regional development. People in the
Ahwahtukee region of Phoenix desire to have regional economic growth; one of
the ways that this economic growth could come about is through the construction
of a corridor that promotes growth. Alongside any freeway project or rail
corridor, businesses or new homes get built to take advantage of the easy
access. The south mountain freeway would not only bring new businesses to the
existing communities but also would pump in money to the local Phoenix economy
though the means of construction and new businesses, in some cases this
economic impact could be in the billions of dollars. Economic benefits are not
the only benefits received from the construction and existence of a freeway, specifically
the South Mountain Freeway. The main reason for building a freeway is to
alleviate a traffic issue and make travel between two places easier. Phoenix
has a chronic traffic jam issue, especially on its core freeways of I-17 and
I-10. Both these freeways are major routes for the city, the metropolitan area,
the State of Arizona, and even the entire nation. Thousands of trucks crowd
these freeways that are often filled with cars trying to get home from work or
trying to go into or out of downtown Phoenix. Phoenix rush hour gets immensely
worse when a small accident happens somewhere along one of the major freeways.
A small accident can turn a normally 30 minuet trip into a 2 hour trip waiting
in stopped traffic. Not only do these delays happen regularly but unfortunately
they have become a natural part of Phoenix driving. This is why the L202 must
be completed; Phoenix lacks a true southern bypass around the city, this means
that all trucks and cars just passing through Phoenix get stuck traveling directly
through the mess of traffic backups that occur regularly on Interstate 10. The
South Mountain Freeway would function as a bypass of downtown for trucks and
people traveling to California. In addition it would provide residents on the
south east side of Metro Phoenix, easy access to the west side of Metro
Phoenix, where many of the sporting venues are located. Essentially the
construction of this freeway would make life for all residents of Arizona much
easier."
Here is the Post Edit version:
"The merits
of building a new transportation corridor are always high, this is especially
true with a corridor of high caliber like the South Mountain Freeway. Large
transportation projects such as rail or highways tend to spur regional
development. People in the Ahwahtukee and Laveen regions of Phoenix desire to
have regional economic growth; one of the ways that this economic growth could
come about is through the construction of a corridor that promotes growth.
Alongside any freeway project or rail corridor, businesses or new homes get
built to take advantage of the easy access. The South Mountain Freeway would
not only bring new businesses to the existing communities but also would pump
in money to the local Phoenix economy though the means of construction and new
businesses, in some cases this economic impact could be in the billions of
dollars. Economic benefits are not the only benefits received from the
construction and existence of a freeway, specifically the South Mountain
Freeway.
The main reason for building a freeway is to
alleviate a traffic issue and make travel between two places easier. Phoenix
has a chronic traffic jam issue, especially on its core freeways of I-17 and
I-10. Both of these freeways are major routes for the city, the metropolitan
area, the State of Arizona, and even the entire nation. Thousands of trucks
crowd these freeways that are often also filled with cars trying to get home
from work or trying to go into or out of downtown Phoenix. In addition Phoenix
rush hour gets immensely worse when a small accident happens somewhere along
one of the major freeways. A small accident can turn a normally 30 minuet trip
into a 2 hour trip stuck waiting in stopped traffic. Not only do these delays
happen regularly, but unfortunately they have become a natural part of Phoenix
driving. This is why the L202 must be completed; Phoenix lacks a true southern
bypass around the city. Without a bypass all of the trucks and cars just
passing through Phoenix get stuck traveling directly through the mess of
traffic backups that occur regularly on Interstate 10. The South Mountain
Freeway would function as a bypass of downtown for trucks and people traveling
to California. In addition it would provide residents on the south east side of
Metro Phoenix (Mesa, Chandler and Gilbert), easy access to the west side of
Metro Phoenix (Avondale, Glendale, Goodyear), where many of the sporting venues
are located. Essentially the construction of this freeway would make life for
all residents of Arizona much easier."
Editorial Report 1
In this blog I will look at one section of my project and edit it. This blog will look at the before and after of the edited section.
I will look at one of my main opposition paragraphs, which I consider to be too long. The content of this paragraph did not change very much in total. The most major change that was made in this paragraph was to clarify some sentences and some terms that were used. This clarification allows the reader to more accurately picture the setting and the location.
The form of this paragraph did change significantly however. I decided that the paragraph was definitely too long, thus I split it into two paragraphs. I am also considering adding direct quotes which will mean that the paragraph will most likely have to be split again to keep it from being too long. Other small form issues that were tackled were looking at sentence structure and splitting sentences up. I decided that some sentences had to be rewritten and others needed to be separated completely.
Here is the original paragraph:
"There is much opposition to the freeway and in order to understand the best way to compromise, the issues the opposition raises must be addressed. Phoenix is a city which can be considered a “melting-pot” of cultures and peoples. Each project that is built in a city must be built with respect to each of those cultures and people groups. The South Mountain Freeway would traverse the Ahwatukee Region of Phoenix, a neighborhood between the proposed freeway path and the actual South Mountain. The freeway would also go next to the Gila River Indian Nation along with several neighborhoods in southwest Phoenix, the towns of Avondale and Tolleson. Nevertheless thousands of people will be within direct proximity of the freeway and likely have some sort of vested interests in the region. Along with the direct impacts of the freeway, there are also several concerns that have been raised by environmental groups about the freeway. The L202 Freeway is just part of a larger environmental argument that states that the world needs to stop building new freeways completely in order to combat climate change. The idea is that any new freeways will promote the use of fossil fuels and continued climate change. Another environmental argument is that the freeway will interrupt natural habitats that thus far have been left fairly natural and wild. There are several animal species that call South Mountain home and also live in the land inhabited by the Gila River Tribe. Construction and the new open access to the South Mountain area could completely altar the habitats of these animals. The Gila River Tribe also began their argument with that same sentiment, to them they are responsible to take care of the land and creatures around them. The tribe also has cultural roots and connections to the mountain. They believe that the mountain was the place where their people were created, the mountain is their origin story; for these O’odham people, the mountain is more than just a mountain, it’s a reminder of where they came from and who they are. The freeway would traverse the area between their lands and the mountain that they revere. This freeway would be a literal blockade that would cut them off from freely walking up to the mountain. The tribe was so strongly opposed to the idea of the freeway that they would not let the freeway be built across their lands, thus for the freeway to work it had to be completely run through the city of Phoenix. This means unfortunately that the freeway would have to be built through part of the end of the mountain, which means extensive blasting and destruction of part of the mountain so that the freeway could be put through. This is even more upsetting to the tribe and to environmentalists and even to a lot of local residents. For them the necessity to destroy a sacred natural habitat is a deal breaker and is the ultimate unforgivable sin of this freeway."
Here is the new section:
I will look at one of my main opposition paragraphs, which I consider to be too long. The content of this paragraph did not change very much in total. The most major change that was made in this paragraph was to clarify some sentences and some terms that were used. This clarification allows the reader to more accurately picture the setting and the location.
The form of this paragraph did change significantly however. I decided that the paragraph was definitely too long, thus I split it into two paragraphs. I am also considering adding direct quotes which will mean that the paragraph will most likely have to be split again to keep it from being too long. Other small form issues that were tackled were looking at sentence structure and splitting sentences up. I decided that some sentences had to be rewritten and others needed to be separated completely.
Here is the original paragraph:
"There is much opposition to the freeway and in order to understand the best way to compromise, the issues the opposition raises must be addressed. Phoenix is a city which can be considered a “melting-pot” of cultures and peoples. Each project that is built in a city must be built with respect to each of those cultures and people groups. The South Mountain Freeway would traverse the Ahwatukee Region of Phoenix, a neighborhood between the proposed freeway path and the actual South Mountain. The freeway would also go next to the Gila River Indian Nation along with several neighborhoods in southwest Phoenix, the towns of Avondale and Tolleson. Nevertheless thousands of people will be within direct proximity of the freeway and likely have some sort of vested interests in the region. Along with the direct impacts of the freeway, there are also several concerns that have been raised by environmental groups about the freeway. The L202 Freeway is just part of a larger environmental argument that states that the world needs to stop building new freeways completely in order to combat climate change. The idea is that any new freeways will promote the use of fossil fuels and continued climate change. Another environmental argument is that the freeway will interrupt natural habitats that thus far have been left fairly natural and wild. There are several animal species that call South Mountain home and also live in the land inhabited by the Gila River Tribe. Construction and the new open access to the South Mountain area could completely altar the habitats of these animals. The Gila River Tribe also began their argument with that same sentiment, to them they are responsible to take care of the land and creatures around them. The tribe also has cultural roots and connections to the mountain. They believe that the mountain was the place where their people were created, the mountain is their origin story; for these O’odham people, the mountain is more than just a mountain, it’s a reminder of where they came from and who they are. The freeway would traverse the area between their lands and the mountain that they revere. This freeway would be a literal blockade that would cut them off from freely walking up to the mountain. The tribe was so strongly opposed to the idea of the freeway that they would not let the freeway be built across their lands, thus for the freeway to work it had to be completely run through the city of Phoenix. This means unfortunately that the freeway would have to be built through part of the end of the mountain, which means extensive blasting and destruction of part of the mountain so that the freeway could be put through. This is even more upsetting to the tribe and to environmentalists and even to a lot of local residents. For them the necessity to destroy a sacred natural habitat is a deal breaker and is the ultimate unforgivable sin of this freeway."
Here is the new section:
" There is
much opposition to the freeway. In order to understand the best way to
compromise, the issues the opposition raises must be addressed. The City of
Phoenix can be considered a “melting-pot” of cultures and peoples. Each project
built in a city must be built with respect to each of those cultures and people
groups. The South Mountain Freeway would traverse the Ahwatukee Region of
Phoenix, a neighborhood between the proposed freeway path and the actual South
Mountain. The freeway would also run next to the Gila River Indian Nation along
with several neighborhoods in southwest Phoenix including Laveen along with
being near the towns of Avondale and Tolleson. Thousands of people will be
within direct proximity of the freeway and likely have some sort of vested
interests in the region.
Along
with the direct impacts of the freeway, there are also several concerns that
have been raised by environmental groups about the freeway. The anti-L202
Freeway argument is just part of a larger environmental argument stating that
the world needs to stop building new freeways completely in order to combat
climate change. The idea is that any new freeways will promote the use of
fossil fuels and continued climate change. Another environmental argument is
that the freeway will interrupt natural habitats that thus far have been left
fairly natural and wild. There are several animal species that call South
Mountain home and also live in the land inhabited by the Gila River Tribe.
Construction that creates new open access to the South Mountain area could
completely altar the habitats of these animals. The Gila River Tribe also began
their argument with that same sentiment, to them they are responsible to take
care of the land and creatures around them. The tribe has cultural roots and
connections to the mountain. They believe that the mountain was the place where
their people were created, the mountain is their origin story. O’odham people
believe the mountain is more than just a mountain, it’s a reminder of where
they came from and who they are. The freeway would traverse the area between
their lands and the mountain that they revere. This freeway would be a literal
blockade that would cut them off from freely walking up to the mountain. The
tribe was so strongly opposed to the idea of the freeway that they would not
let the freeway be built across their lands, thus for the freeway to be built
it had to be completely run through the city of Phoenix. This means
unfortunately that the freeway would have to be built through part of the west
side of the mountain. This means extensive blasting and destruction of part of
the mountain so that the freeway could be built to code. This is even more
upsetting to the tribe, to environmentalists, and even to a lot of local
residents. For them the necessity to destroy a sacred natural habitat is a deal
breaker and is the ultimate unforgivable sin of this freeway." Sunday, April 10, 2016
Peer Review 2
This blog will be the last peer review for the production phase. In this blog I will talk about the peer review activity of looking at form for Jianna LoCricchio. Her project is about college admissions.
In this peer review I tried to tell the author what she did that I could relate to as well as how I thought the form of her essay was effective. Since she just had a script, I looked exclusively at the flow of the script since I think that will be the greatest thing that will make or break a video essay. I think she got decent feedback on how to possibly make sure she keeps her focus on the issue she is discussing and not on her personal story.
I again used the organizational advice that I found in the students guides. I think the most important issue for a project when it comes to form is organizing the project correctly. I think she did a good job of this because I was able to follow her ideas clearly and see how she was using the personal story to add to her argument.
One of the thing that I was impressed by is how much a personal story can create legitimacy for an argument. I also was able to connect on a personal level which made me care more and become more interest than I would have otherwise had for a regular peer review. I think that in my own project if I can make the reader care about the story then they will enjoy it a lot more.
In this peer review I tried to tell the author what she did that I could relate to as well as how I thought the form of her essay was effective. Since she just had a script, I looked exclusively at the flow of the script since I think that will be the greatest thing that will make or break a video essay. I think she got decent feedback on how to possibly make sure she keeps her focus on the issue she is discussing and not on her personal story.
I again used the organizational advice that I found in the students guides. I think the most important issue for a project when it comes to form is organizing the project correctly. I think she did a good job of this because I was able to follow her ideas clearly and see how she was using the personal story to add to her argument.
One of the thing that I was impressed by is how much a personal story can create legitimacy for an argument. I also was able to connect on a personal level which made me care more and become more interest than I would have otherwise had for a regular peer review. I think that in my own project if I can make the reader care about the story then they will enjoy it a lot more.
Saturday, April 9, 2016
Peer-Review 1 For Production
This blog will focus on peer reviewing one of my fellow classmates work. In this blog I will be reporting on the peer reviewing of Joshua Smith's paper about Hydraulic Fracking. I focused on looking at the form of the paper in this review activity.
I tried to help the author by giving feedback on what he did well in the form of using quotes and explaining them in order to set up the controversy. I hope that by doing that he can emulate that strategy in the rest of his paper. I also advised him on how I thought he could better organize his citations.
I tried to use the advice on proper organization that I found in the student handbook, particularly the ones about proper quote usage. However that is about all that I did using the student handbook regarding looking at form. My biggest concern with form is usually always about organization and how effective it works in keeping the ideas and train of thought flowing.
One of the things that I admired about the way that form was used in this segment was the use of direct quotes to create credibility. I think that if I could incorporate my sources more clearly into my sections possibly through direct quotes, I think my paper would be infinitely better.
Friday, April 8, 2016
Refection of Production Week
This blog will reflect upon the week of production and how the production of Project 3 went/is going. This is an attempt for me to reflect upon how this week went and what could have been done better and of course what I think went well.
This week had very few successes besides for moral victories. I had to write 2 different full length essays this week which pushed me behind my actual schedule that I had hoped to adhere to. However I managed to get the one essay done and I am making good progress on this essay. I have all my ideas organized, now it is simply a matter of turning them into actual sentences and paragraphs.
This weeks challenges are as I had talked about previously. Not only did I have to write two whole essays this week, but I had to catch up on material missed in last weeks absences. I currently am running about two days behind schedule but I hope that I can squeeze the rest of my work in during this very busy weekend. However I am confident that everything can get done and that I will be back on schedule by next week.
I think next week will go well based upon where I am currently. I should have the rough draft completely done by sunday night which will allow me to start doing revisions on monday night. From there the progress of the work should go as scheduled and should be smooth. I anticipate finding a lot of problems with my essay since I am having to rush to get it done this week. But two weeks of revision will allow me to polish it and make this a legitimately decent essay.
I am feeling less confident than I was before at this point in the project because I am falling behind schedule. However I still feel like this project has the potential to be a very successful project and I believe that it will receive a decent amount of attention over the next several weeks which will make it a good project.
This week had very few successes besides for moral victories. I had to write 2 different full length essays this week which pushed me behind my actual schedule that I had hoped to adhere to. However I managed to get the one essay done and I am making good progress on this essay. I have all my ideas organized, now it is simply a matter of turning them into actual sentences and paragraphs.
This weeks challenges are as I had talked about previously. Not only did I have to write two whole essays this week, but I had to catch up on material missed in last weeks absences. I currently am running about two days behind schedule but I hope that I can squeeze the rest of my work in during this very busy weekend. However I am confident that everything can get done and that I will be back on schedule by next week.
I think next week will go well based upon where I am currently. I should have the rough draft completely done by sunday night which will allow me to start doing revisions on monday night. From there the progress of the work should go as scheduled and should be smooth. I anticipate finding a lot of problems with my essay since I am having to rush to get it done this week. But two weeks of revision will allow me to polish it and make this a legitimately decent essay.
I am feeling less confident than I was before at this point in the project because I am falling behind schedule. However I still feel like this project has the potential to be a very successful project and I believe that it will receive a decent amount of attention over the next several weeks which will make it a good project.
Production Report 2
In this blog I will talk about the ongoing production of my essay project. I will address how the production is going as well as what I intended to get from this section of the essay. I will focus on the main opposition argument in this section.
This section is a traditional essay format and doesn't deviate from that format. This section is only one paragraph, but it is a pivotal paragraph for my essay. This section sets up the background for why the solution is the best possible set-up. An essay must first present background in order to present an effective argument. In this case I used that convention to make this entire section. The genre conventions of an essay dictated that I used proper flow and kept the section organized.
The production of this material went smoothly, I was able to find a lot more material from the O'odham tribe than I was anticipating which made this an easy paragraph to write. This week I had to write two essays, the first was one that had to be done this week so it got priority. The second was this one. Nevertheless this meant that this section was written very late at night after I had already written another long essay, so the production went slow and the thoughts behind it may be sporadic.
Here is my Opposition Background Section:
"There is much opposition to the freeway and in order to understand the best way to compromise, the issues the opposition raises must be addressed. Phoenix is a city which can be considered a “melting-pot” of cultures and peoples. Each project that is built in a city must be built with respect to each of those cultures and people groups. The South Mountain Freeway would traverse the Ahwatukee Region of Phoenix, a neighborhood between the proposed freeway path and the actual South Mountain. The freeway would also go next to the Gila River Indian Nation along with several neighborhoods in southwest Phoenix, the towns of Avondale and Tolleson. Nevertheless thousands of people will be within direct proximity of the freeway and likely have some sort of vested interests in the region. Along with the direct impacts of the freeway, there are also several concerns that have been raised by environmental groups about the freeway. The L202 Freeway is just part of a larger environmental argument that states that the world needs to stop building new freeways completely in order to combat climate change. The idea is that any new freeways will promote the use of fossil fuels and continued climate change. Another environmental argument is that the freeway will interrupt natural habitats that thus far have been left fairly natural and wild. There are several animal species that call South Mountain home and also live in the land inhabited by the Gila River Tribe. Construction and the new open access to the South Mountain area could completely altar the habitats of these animals. The Gila River Tribe also began their argument with that same sentiment, to them they are responsible to take care of the land and creatures around them. The tribe also has cultural roots and connections to the mountain. They believe that the mountain was the place where their people were created, the mountain is their origin story; for these O’odham people, the mountain is more than just a mountain, it’s a reminder of where they came from and who they are. The freeway would traverse the area between their lands and the mountain that they revere. This freeway would be a literal blockade that would cut them off from freely walking up to the mountain. The tribe was so strongly opposed to the idea of the freeway that they would not let the freeway be built across their lands, thus for the freeway to work it had to be completely run through the city of Phoenix. This means unfortunately that the freeway would have to be built through part of the end of the mountain, which means extensive blasting and destruction of part of the mountain so that the freeway could be put through. This is even more upsetting to the tribe and to environmentalists and even to a lot of local residents. For them the necessity to destroy a sacred natural habitat is a deal breaker and is the ultimate unforgivable sin of this freeway."
This section is a traditional essay format and doesn't deviate from that format. This section is only one paragraph, but it is a pivotal paragraph for my essay. This section sets up the background for why the solution is the best possible set-up. An essay must first present background in order to present an effective argument. In this case I used that convention to make this entire section. The genre conventions of an essay dictated that I used proper flow and kept the section organized.
The production of this material went smoothly, I was able to find a lot more material from the O'odham tribe than I was anticipating which made this an easy paragraph to write. This week I had to write two essays, the first was one that had to be done this week so it got priority. The second was this one. Nevertheless this meant that this section was written very late at night after I had already written another long essay, so the production went slow and the thoughts behind it may be sporadic.
Here is my Opposition Background Section:
"There is much opposition to the freeway and in order to understand the best way to compromise, the issues the opposition raises must be addressed. Phoenix is a city which can be considered a “melting-pot” of cultures and peoples. Each project that is built in a city must be built with respect to each of those cultures and people groups. The South Mountain Freeway would traverse the Ahwatukee Region of Phoenix, a neighborhood between the proposed freeway path and the actual South Mountain. The freeway would also go next to the Gila River Indian Nation along with several neighborhoods in southwest Phoenix, the towns of Avondale and Tolleson. Nevertheless thousands of people will be within direct proximity of the freeway and likely have some sort of vested interests in the region. Along with the direct impacts of the freeway, there are also several concerns that have been raised by environmental groups about the freeway. The L202 Freeway is just part of a larger environmental argument that states that the world needs to stop building new freeways completely in order to combat climate change. The idea is that any new freeways will promote the use of fossil fuels and continued climate change. Another environmental argument is that the freeway will interrupt natural habitats that thus far have been left fairly natural and wild. There are several animal species that call South Mountain home and also live in the land inhabited by the Gila River Tribe. Construction and the new open access to the South Mountain area could completely altar the habitats of these animals. The Gila River Tribe also began their argument with that same sentiment, to them they are responsible to take care of the land and creatures around them. The tribe also has cultural roots and connections to the mountain. They believe that the mountain was the place where their people were created, the mountain is their origin story; for these O’odham people, the mountain is more than just a mountain, it’s a reminder of where they came from and who they are. The freeway would traverse the area between their lands and the mountain that they revere. This freeway would be a literal blockade that would cut them off from freely walking up to the mountain. The tribe was so strongly opposed to the idea of the freeway that they would not let the freeway be built across their lands, thus for the freeway to work it had to be completely run through the city of Phoenix. This means unfortunately that the freeway would have to be built through part of the end of the mountain, which means extensive blasting and destruction of part of the mountain so that the freeway could be put through. This is even more upsetting to the tribe and to environmentalists and even to a lot of local residents. For them the necessity to destroy a sacred natural habitat is a deal breaker and is the ultimate unforgivable sin of this freeway."
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
Production Report 1
In this blog I will attempt to give an update on how the production of Project 3 is going. I will be focusing on the Introduction section of my essay and sharing the very rough version of this section.
In this section I focused on trying to format the bulk of the paragraph to set up the main idea as well as set up why there is a controversy to begin with. The essay genre that I chose made this a very simplistic task, however there is still a delicate art form to trying to construct a paragraph that will not only interest the reader but also keep them coming back to read the rest of the essay. I dont know if I was able to do that or not.
The production of this section went very slowly as I was trying to fight off really bad allergies the entire time it was being produced. Due to extremely dry eyes, the writing of this section took forever. This coupled with the fact that starting or opening an essay is the hardest part of an essay for me made this a really challenging section to write.
Here is my introductory paragraph:
In this section I focused on trying to format the bulk of the paragraph to set up the main idea as well as set up why there is a controversy to begin with. The essay genre that I chose made this a very simplistic task, however there is still a delicate art form to trying to construct a paragraph that will not only interest the reader but also keep them coming back to read the rest of the essay. I dont know if I was able to do that or not.
The production of this section went very slowly as I was trying to fight off really bad allergies the entire time it was being produced. Due to extremely dry eyes, the writing of this section took forever. This coupled with the fact that starting or opening an essay is the hardest part of an essay for me made this a really challenging section to write.
Here is my introductory paragraph:
"Stuck in a traffic jam in the middle of the sweltering hot
desert; many people have been in this situation before, backed up due to an
accident in Phoenix rush hour for hours at a time. This traffic backup is a
daily occurrence on Interstate 10 (the Papago/Maricopa Freeways) in Phoenix.
Not only does this congestion back up people trying to get from the East side
of the metro to the West side of the metro, but it also catches tourists
traveling through the area and catches trucks as they try to bring goods from
the ports in California to somewhere inland or from Mexico to somewhere inland.
Phoenix area residents will all tell you that there needs to be a solution to
this bottleneck or at least some alternative route to get around this
hodgepodge of highways. But any solution will have its own problems, no solution
is problem-less; however it is in the best interest to find the least
objectionable solution that will be for the greater good. Many alternatives
have been proposed to solve the traffic woes of the Phoenix Metropolitan Area.
None are as controversial as the South Mountain portion of Loop 202, a major
freeway loop on the east and south sides of the Phoenix Metropolitan Area. The South
Mountain Freeway is a proposed pivotal highway link in the Phoenix area that
will have major repercussions on the entire state of Arizona if built; the
freeway is said to be controversial due to its impact on the environment and
its encroachment on a religious site, however this is outweighed by economic
impact to the entire state as well as alleviate the major congestion in the
downtown Phoenix area which contributes to the major pollution in the Phoenix
Metropolitan Area, however the construction of this freeway can be done with as
little controversy as possible. "
Monday, April 4, 2016
Peer Review for Pre-Production #1
In this blog I will peer review on of my fellow students from my class. This peer-review will be based around a few different aspects of the project. This is a very strange way to peer-review someone, I have never peer-reviewed someones project before they have written it or constructed it.
I will peer-review Joshua Smith's Project 3 pre-production schedule. In this review I will review his production report and provide a resource recommendation for further ideas for his project. This will give a fresh set of eyes into how he is planning to write this essay or project.
I believe that I helped the author out by congratulating the author on a well done planning schedule. His schedule and plan look incredibly well paced and clear thought. I believe that ultimately the way he has his project planned out will help him immensely and will help this project develop smoothly. I also think that the little bit of advice that I gave him to keep his eyes open will really help in during the production of his essay.
I was planning to incorporate a lot of information about how he could organize and pace his week better, stuff that is found in the student's guide, but he actually did a really nice job of working that. In this instance I told him he did a good job and encouraged him to continue doing that and to stick to the paced out schedule that he made.
One thing I could learn from this production schedule is that pacing out things is crucial. I tend to pace out projects at a good span but I feel like he did a better job and I would like to emulate that on future sections of my project.
I will peer-review Joshua Smith's Project 3 pre-production schedule. In this review I will review his production report and provide a resource recommendation for further ideas for his project. This will give a fresh set of eyes into how he is planning to write this essay or project.
I believe that I helped the author out by congratulating the author on a well done planning schedule. His schedule and plan look incredibly well paced and clear thought. I believe that ultimately the way he has his project planned out will help him immensely and will help this project develop smoothly. I also think that the little bit of advice that I gave him to keep his eyes open will really help in during the production of his essay.
I was planning to incorporate a lot of information about how he could organize and pace his week better, stuff that is found in the student's guide, but he actually did a really nice job of working that. In this instance I told him he did a good job and encouraged him to continue doing that and to stick to the paced out schedule that he made.
One thing I could learn from this production schedule is that pacing out things is crucial. I tend to pace out projects at a good span but I feel like he did a better job and I would like to emulate that on future sections of my project.
Friday, April 1, 2016
Peer Review for Project 3 Number 2
This blog will be the second of the peer reviews for project 3. This peer-review will be for a student outside my class but will cover the same basic functions as the previous peer-review.
This peer review will cover the Rhetorical Analysis of Project 3 by Tianna Jones. This peer review activity will focus around reviewing a rhetorical analysis which means that I will be focusing on advising and looking at her brainstorming process.
I feel that some of the things I did well in this peer review was advising her about making sure to harness her personal passion for her subject in a healthy way. Sometimes when someone can be so passionate about a subject they can be easily swayed away from the main topic they are trying to focus on, thus if you are really passionate about a subject then you should really make sure you are staying on topic.
One of the emphasis's in the Student's Guide is to stay on topic and really build around that topic, especially considering the emphasis on organization. This was done through the reminder to stay focused on topic and use personal ideas and thoughts to back up the argument instead of being swayed away from the topic.
One of the things that I would like to take away from the way they did this project is the level of organization that she had for each idea. She seemed to thoroughly be passionate about what she was talking about and seemed to have a legitimate interest in it. I wish that I could have a project where I could just write for hours about it because I was so passionate about it.
This peer review will cover the Rhetorical Analysis of Project 3 by Tianna Jones. This peer review activity will focus around reviewing a rhetorical analysis which means that I will be focusing on advising and looking at her brainstorming process.
I feel that some of the things I did well in this peer review was advising her about making sure to harness her personal passion for her subject in a healthy way. Sometimes when someone can be so passionate about a subject they can be easily swayed away from the main topic they are trying to focus on, thus if you are really passionate about a subject then you should really make sure you are staying on topic.
One of the emphasis's in the Student's Guide is to stay on topic and really build around that topic, especially considering the emphasis on organization. This was done through the reminder to stay focused on topic and use personal ideas and thoughts to back up the argument instead of being swayed away from the topic.
One of the things that I would like to take away from the way they did this project is the level of organization that she had for each idea. She seemed to thoroughly be passionate about what she was talking about and seemed to have a legitimate interest in it. I wish that I could have a project where I could just write for hours about it because I was so passionate about it.
Reflection on Pre-Production
This blog will serve
as a reflection on the pre-production for Project 3. I will discuss what I
thought went well and what didn’t go so well in this weeks set of work and
blogs.
One of this weeks successes was getting a lot of information
and sources for my work for next week. I was able to find a lot of sources that
support my ideas and my opinion as well as find a good number of sources that
oppose my view. This should allow for me to make a very dynamic essay. Overall
I think the level and depth of material that I found was a large accomplishment
for this week.
Some of the things that were really difficult this week were
just trying to get the large volume of work done this week while I was at
conference. I found myself constantly trying to fit in doing English homework
and research at random times during the day, this included writing blogs while
sitting on the beach and doing research very late at night in the hotel and on
the bus. Overall I was able to get all the research done within the limited
time that I had during the week.
I think next week will go well based off the level of work
that I had to do this week as well as the amount of work that I did this week.
I think next week will be challenging though considering that I have not
written an essay of this level in quite a long time. I think it might take a
little time to get me into the writing mood. Otherwise there are always the off
chance that there will be some unseen problems next week with putting together
all the research into a cohesive essay.
I would say that so far I feel rather prepared for this
project so far, although I anticipate that I will either feel a lot better or a
lot worse next week based on what happens when writing the essay. Being able to
just focus on writing this paper and another paper next week will be very
beneficial to me I think.
Production Schedule
This blog is focused on the planning of the project with the use of some sort of outline or planning device. In this instance I needed to outline the entire project from start to finish starting in the production phase. This outline is subject to change as time goes on and may not reflect everything that has to be done, although I feel like it is a fairly comprehensive look at what needs to be done.
Here is my Project 3 Production Schedule.
Here is my Project 3 Production Schedule.
Content Outline
This blog post will cover a rough outline of Project 3. This
is considered a content outline, in which I describe the overall ideas
presented in the project. This outline is similar to the outline that I wrote
for project 2.
This project will focus on a specific controversy in the
South Mountain Freeway Construction project. I will address how the project can
be resolved with as little controversy as possible. This project is very
controversial and thus any solution is going to be controversial in some way, I
will explain why this project needs to occur and why the opposition to the
freeway is absolutely ridiculous.
The project will open with an introduction that will give a
solid clear thesis and provide organization for the project. This will be a
traditional essay introduction and as such there isn’t much deviation from a
usual essay format. The introduction part will feature a large amount of
organization and setup for the essay itself. The intro will grab the readers
attention through drawing attention to familiar situations that they have been
through themselves, ie talking about getting stuck in traffic.
The first body section of the essay will open with an
explanation of the anti-freeway argument. This paragraph is essential in
setting up why the opposition is wrong. This section will feature the
information from the article from the environmental group as well as some of
the arguments from the native tribe that the freeway will go next to. This
paragraph is needed to show how there are some merits to the arguments of the
opposition but that those arguments are not actually a large enough worrisome
argument.
The second body paragraph will focus on looking at the
merits of constructing the freeway, including the economic and lifestyle
benefits to the community. This section will feature the articles from the
sources that support the freeway, including the article from azcentral. This
section is the main body paragraph supporting the argument for the freeway and
may be cut into two sections to accommodate for a lot of work in the paragraph.
This is a necessary paragraph to explain why my argument is the correct
argument.
The last body paragraph or sections of paragraphs will focus
on how I think the project can be built effectively and with as little
controversy as possible. I will focus on trying to work around some of the
concerns that the opposition has raised in order for my ideas to happen. This
section will feature articles from people who are supporting the freeway yet
also have a mindset of conservation. This will give me the most moderate views
on this project. This paragraph is essentially my version of the how do we fix
the problem section. Thus it is a needed section.
The conclusion will focus a lot on why the project must
occur. I will have covered this a little before as it will most likely be
linked into my thesis somehow. The conclusion will wrap up the argument against
cancelling the freeway and will try to convincingly persuade the reader of why
the freeway must be built. The conclusion will look at the future if the
project is not built.
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Research Report
This blog post will focus on the research that was done for Project 3. This project will feature a lot of local newspapers or magazines because of the fact that it is a Phoenix-area controversy not a national controversy.
1) Gila River Tribe Sues.., Arizona Republic, azcentral.com
This article is written by Chris Coppola, who has previously worked for the East Valley Tribune. He has much experience in looking over and reporting on Phoenix area issues since he has been there for so long. The source is aimed at informing the phoenix area residents, especially those who live around the South Mountain. We can see that through many of the different passages in the article which interview residents around the new freeway path, specifically residents of the Gila River Community. This source tries to explain why the tribe was suing the Arizona Department of Transportation and the Federal Highway Administration, contending they violated review laws. This article is formal and features links to other information and articles.
2) South Mountain Freeway...., Arizona Republic, azcentral.com
This article is written by Joanna Allhands, an opinion writer for the Arizona Republic. She is also the main editor at the newspaper which establishes her credibility. The source is aimed at those who claim the freeway was not studied thoroughly. This is achieved through sarcastic remarks toward those who deny that the freeway was studied. This source tries to debunk the main claim of the anti-freeway people that the freeway was not studied. This is done through reminders of all the constant studies that have been done over the past 10-30 years. The article is labeled an opinion piece because it is clearly biased in one direction. Nevertheless it remains credible because it features working links and facts to back up the opinionated argument.
3) Feds Approve Controversial...., Arizona Republic, azcentral.com
This article is written by Sean Holstege and Connie Sexton. Connie Sexton is the story of the day writer which means she covers about everything and has a well rounded knowledge. Sean Holstege is a writer on transportation and the border so he is well versed in talking about this sort of controversy. This article is aimed to everyone in the Phoenix area but in particular those people who live around the south mountain area. This source tries to inform the reader as to the latest state of the controversy, the approval of the project to be constructed.
4) ADOT starts demolishing..., Cronkite News, cronkitenews.azpbs.org
This article is written by Ty Scholes. Ty is a multi-medial journalist for the Cronkite news who has written many articles about current events and local news stories. This article is aimed at at informing the reader as to what currently is happening in the controversy as well as why it is still controversial. It does this by telling the stories of displaced locals. It also features firsthand video as well. The article is aimed at the people of phoenix and surrounding areas to inform them of what is going on. it does that by talking about first hand accounts that people can relate to and feel for while also reminding people of the traffic problem that exists.
5) Home Demolitions Begin...., Phoenix New Times, phoenixnewtimes.com
This article is written by Miriam Wasser, a main contributor to the Phoenix New Times. She has written many news stories, many about local Phoenix area news stories. This article is aimed at informing the reader about the new demolitions of homes in the Phoenix area to make way for this new freeway. It features a map and a description of what the freeway is supposed to do.
6) Traffic Jam, Phoenix Magazine, phoenixmag.com
This article is written by Keridwen Cornelius, a freelance writer who works with the Phoenix Magazine. He has written many articles for the Phoenix Magazine as well as for Arizona Highways magazine. This article is aimed at telling the entire story of the South Mountain freeway project, as well as telling the story of why this project is so controversial for the native peoples that live in the area. The audience generally can be considered anyone in the Phoenix region who read the Phoenix Magazine. It does that through looking at the first hand account from the native tribes as to what they believe and how it is affecting their daily lives.
7) South Mountain Freeway...., Ahwatukee Foothills News, ahwatukee.com
This article is written by Allision Hurtado, a main writer for the neighborhood paper. This article is aimed at informing the reader about the controversy and about why it is controversial in some parts of the city of phoenix and not in other parts of the city of Phoenix. The audience is anyone who lives in the Ahwahtukee foothills area or around South Mountain. Which can be seen through its use of looking at the people living in the ahwahtukee neighborhoods.
8) Protestors Fight Loop,,,,,.; KJZZ 91.5, kjzz,org
This article is written by Stina Sieg, who is a writer who originally was a writer for a small town but has now worked her way up. The article is aimed at reporting about a series of protesters who were protesting the freeway. The article provides images and firsthand accounts of the protests and why there were protests. The audience is anyone who reads this paper or in general follows local politics which can be seen through the articles mention of the political aspects of city life. The audience is mostly people looking to stay up on the local news.
9) Environmentalist Fighting Against....; Phoenix Business Journal, bizjournals.com
This article is written by Mike Sunnucks, he is a writer about residential issues and local issues. The article focuses on the impact that the freeway will have on the environment. This includes looking at how the freeway will alter the landscape around it. The article mentions how different plants and animal species might be cut off from their natural habitat. The audience of this paper is people who are considering supporting the freeway as well as anyone who is going to fund the freeway. This can been seen through the overarching emotional appeal to people about the destruction of environments.
10) Sides in Phoenix-area Freeway....; KTAR News, ktar.com
This article is written by ktar.com, there isn't any other author given. This is a bit strange and sketchy but it does seem to be a reputable source despite not having an author. The article's main aim is to focus on reporting the news that some of the local families were given more time to pack up and move out. The audience of this paper is most likely anyone who is closely following the story or anyone who lives in the area's affected. This is is because as a news story, it is closely aimed at those who will affect the most from the issue or story at hand, in this instance it is the people of Southern Phoenix and Ahwahtukee.
1) Gila River Tribe Sues.., Arizona Republic, azcentral.com
This article is written by Chris Coppola, who has previously worked for the East Valley Tribune. He has much experience in looking over and reporting on Phoenix area issues since he has been there for so long. The source is aimed at informing the phoenix area residents, especially those who live around the South Mountain. We can see that through many of the different passages in the article which interview residents around the new freeway path, specifically residents of the Gila River Community. This source tries to explain why the tribe was suing the Arizona Department of Transportation and the Federal Highway Administration, contending they violated review laws. This article is formal and features links to other information and articles.
2) South Mountain Freeway...., Arizona Republic, azcentral.com
This article is written by Joanna Allhands, an opinion writer for the Arizona Republic. She is also the main editor at the newspaper which establishes her credibility. The source is aimed at those who claim the freeway was not studied thoroughly. This is achieved through sarcastic remarks toward those who deny that the freeway was studied. This source tries to debunk the main claim of the anti-freeway people that the freeway was not studied. This is done through reminders of all the constant studies that have been done over the past 10-30 years. The article is labeled an opinion piece because it is clearly biased in one direction. Nevertheless it remains credible because it features working links and facts to back up the opinionated argument.
3) Feds Approve Controversial...., Arizona Republic, azcentral.com
This article is written by Sean Holstege and Connie Sexton. Connie Sexton is the story of the day writer which means she covers about everything and has a well rounded knowledge. Sean Holstege is a writer on transportation and the border so he is well versed in talking about this sort of controversy. This article is aimed to everyone in the Phoenix area but in particular those people who live around the south mountain area. This source tries to inform the reader as to the latest state of the controversy, the approval of the project to be constructed.
4) ADOT starts demolishing..., Cronkite News, cronkitenews.azpbs.org
This article is written by Ty Scholes. Ty is a multi-medial journalist for the Cronkite news who has written many articles about current events and local news stories. This article is aimed at at informing the reader as to what currently is happening in the controversy as well as why it is still controversial. It does this by telling the stories of displaced locals. It also features firsthand video as well. The article is aimed at the people of phoenix and surrounding areas to inform them of what is going on. it does that by talking about first hand accounts that people can relate to and feel for while also reminding people of the traffic problem that exists.
5) Home Demolitions Begin...., Phoenix New Times, phoenixnewtimes.com
This article is written by Miriam Wasser, a main contributor to the Phoenix New Times. She has written many news stories, many about local Phoenix area news stories. This article is aimed at informing the reader about the new demolitions of homes in the Phoenix area to make way for this new freeway. It features a map and a description of what the freeway is supposed to do.
6) Traffic Jam, Phoenix Magazine, phoenixmag.com
This article is written by Keridwen Cornelius, a freelance writer who works with the Phoenix Magazine. He has written many articles for the Phoenix Magazine as well as for Arizona Highways magazine. This article is aimed at telling the entire story of the South Mountain freeway project, as well as telling the story of why this project is so controversial for the native peoples that live in the area. The audience generally can be considered anyone in the Phoenix region who read the Phoenix Magazine. It does that through looking at the first hand account from the native tribes as to what they believe and how it is affecting their daily lives.
7) South Mountain Freeway...., Ahwatukee Foothills News, ahwatukee.com
This article is written by Allision Hurtado, a main writer for the neighborhood paper. This article is aimed at informing the reader about the controversy and about why it is controversial in some parts of the city of phoenix and not in other parts of the city of Phoenix. The audience is anyone who lives in the Ahwahtukee foothills area or around South Mountain. Which can be seen through its use of looking at the people living in the ahwahtukee neighborhoods.
8) Protestors Fight Loop,,,,,.; KJZZ 91.5, kjzz,org
This article is written by Stina Sieg, who is a writer who originally was a writer for a small town but has now worked her way up. The article is aimed at reporting about a series of protesters who were protesting the freeway. The article provides images and firsthand accounts of the protests and why there were protests. The audience is anyone who reads this paper or in general follows local politics which can be seen through the articles mention of the political aspects of city life. The audience is mostly people looking to stay up on the local news.
9) Environmentalist Fighting Against....; Phoenix Business Journal, bizjournals.com
This article is written by Mike Sunnucks, he is a writer about residential issues and local issues. The article focuses on the impact that the freeway will have on the environment. This includes looking at how the freeway will alter the landscape around it. The article mentions how different plants and animal species might be cut off from their natural habitat. The audience of this paper is people who are considering supporting the freeway as well as anyone who is going to fund the freeway. This can been seen through the overarching emotional appeal to people about the destruction of environments.
10) Sides in Phoenix-area Freeway....; KTAR News, ktar.com
This article is written by ktar.com, there isn't any other author given. This is a bit strange and sketchy but it does seem to be a reputable source despite not having an author. The article's main aim is to focus on reporting the news that some of the local families were given more time to pack up and move out. The audience of this paper is most likely anyone who is closely following the story or anyone who lives in the area's affected. This is is because as a news story, it is closely aimed at those who will affect the most from the issue or story at hand, in this instance it is the people of Southern Phoenix and Ahwahtukee.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)